Set your teenager up with their first phone responsibly. Covers phone selection, parental controls, screen time rules, online safety conversations, and a family phone agreement.
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Phone Selection and Setup
Choose a phone based on your teen's maturity level and your budget
A mid-range smartphone with a good case is the practical choice — the screen will crack within 6 months regardless of price. For younger teens (11-13), a phone with fewer features or a purpose-built kids' phone gives you more control. Avoid flagship models for a first phone.
Set a budget for the device, case, and monthly plan
Compare family plan add-on costs across 2-3 carriers
Set up the phone with a family-linked account (not a standalone account)
Both major mobile operating systems offer family group features that let you manage app installs, purchases, and sharing from your own device. Set this up during initial activation — it is much harder to add controls after your teen has configured the phone independently.
Install a protective case and screen protector before handing it over
Parental Controls and Privacy Settings
Enable built-in parental controls on the device
Set content restrictions for apps, movies, music, and web browsing
Require your approval for all app installs and in-app purchases
Enable location sharing with family members
Set up screen time limits and downtime schedules
Set the phone to lock non-essential apps during school hours and after 9 PM on school nights (10 PM on weekends). Allow calls and texts to family at all times. A daily screen time limit of 2-3 hours for social media and entertainment is a reasonable starting point.
Block non-essential apps during school hours
Set a nightly downtime when the phone locks automatically
Review and adjust social media account privacy settings
Set all social media accounts to private. Disable location tags on posts. Turn off the ability for strangers to send direct messages. Check these settings monthly — app updates sometimes reset privacy defaults without notification.
Disable in-app purchases or require a password for every transaction
Online Safety Conversations
Discuss what personal information to never share online
Home address, school name, phone number, daily schedule, and vacation plans should never appear in public posts or messages to strangers. Explain that even 'private' information shared with friends can be screenshotted and shared further in seconds.
Talk about cyberbullying — both as a target and a bystander
Define specific behaviors: spreading rumors, sharing embarrassing photos, creating fake accounts, exclusion from group chats. Tell your teen to screenshot evidence, block the person, and tell you immediately. Make clear that participating in bullying — even by 'just' laughing in a group chat — has real consequences.
Explain the permanence of digital content
Anything posted, texted, or shared can be saved, screenshotted, and circulated permanently. The rule: never send or post anything you would not be comfortable with your teacher, future college admissions officer, or grandparent seeing. This applies to texts, photos, and comments.
Discuss how to handle contact from strangers
Never respond to messages from people they do not know in real life
Show you immediately if someone asks them to keep a conversation secret
Family Phone Agreement
Draft a written phone agreement and sign it together
A written agreement transforms vague expectations into clear rules. Include: screen time limits, phone-free zones, consequences for breaking rules, and when the agreement gets reviewed. Both parent and teen sign it. Post it somewhere visible. Review and update it every 6 months as trust grows.
Establish phone-free zones and times
No phones at the dinner table
Phone charges overnight outside the bedroom (use a family charging station)
No phone use during homework until homework is complete
Define clear consequences for breaking phone rules
Graduated consequences work better than all-or-nothing punishments. First violation: warning and discussion. Second: phone taken for 24 hours. Third: phone taken for a week and controls tightened. Consistency matters more than severity. Apply consequences calmly, not in anger.
Set a date to review and adjust rules (every 6 months)
Rules that work for an 11-year-old are too restrictive for a 14-year-old. Schedule a review every 6 months where you loosen or tighten controls based on demonstrated responsibility. Earning more freedom is motivating — losing it for irresponsible behavior is an effective natural consequence.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the right age to give a child their first smartphone?
The average age for a first smartphone in the US is 11.6 years, but most child development experts recommend waiting until at least age 13. Common Sense Media found that 42% of children have a smartphone by age 10. A practical milestone-based approach works better than a fixed age: if your child can follow household rules consistently, manages their homework independently, and shows responsibility with other belongings, they may be ready.
What parental controls should you set up on a teenager's phone?
Both iOS Screen Time and Google Family Link allow you to set daily screen time limits by app category, block explicit content, disable app downloads without approval, and enforce downtime hours (e.g., phone locks at 9 PM on school nights). Location sharing through Find My (iPhone) or Family Link (Android) is also available. Set up these controls before handing over the phone — retrofitting restrictions after your teen has had unrestricted access is much harder.
How much does a phone plan cost for a teenager?
Adding a line to an existing family plan costs $25-$50 per month, while a standalone plan runs $35-$65 per month. Prepaid plans from carriers like Mint Mobile or Visible start at $15-$25 per month with limited data, which can actually help teens manage their usage. For the device itself, refurbished models from 1-2 generations back cost $150-$300 and perform nearly identically to new phones for texting, calls, and social media.
Should you monitor your teenager's text messages and social media?
The American Psychological Association recommends active monitoring for children under 15 and a gradual shift to trust-based oversight for older teens. Rather than secretly reading every message, try a transparency approach: tell your teen you have access and will check periodically, with the frequency decreasing as they demonstrate responsible use. Focus monitoring on red flags (contact with strangers, bullying, explicit content) rather than reading every casual conversation.
What rules should be in a family phone contract?
Effective contracts cover 5 areas: time limits (phone charges outside the bedroom by 9 PM on school nights), location (parents can check location, phone goes to school in the backpack not the pocket during class), content (no downloading apps without permission, no sharing personal information or photos with strangers), consequences (specific penalties for each rule violation, like losing the phone for 24-72 hours), and costs (teen contributes to the bill or earns phone time through chores).