Wedding Guest List Management: From Draft to Final
Build, refine, and finalize your wedding guest list without family drama. Covers the A-list/B-list strategy, plus-one rules, RSVP tracking, seating arrangements, and dietary accommodations.
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Building the Initial List
Set a target headcount based on budget and venue capacity
Every guest costs $150-$300+ in food, drinks, favors, and per-head venue charges. A difference of 20 guests on a $200-per-head budget means $4,000. Start with a number, not names — it's easier to cut a list to fit a budget than to set a budget around an unconstrained list.
Create separate lists from the couple, bride's family, and groom's family
A common split: 40% couple's friends, 30% bride's family, 30% groom's family. Adjust based on who's contributing financially. If one family is paying for 60% of the wedding, they may reasonably expect a proportionally larger guest allocation.
Couple's friends and colleagues
Bride's family and family friends
Groom's family and family friends
Apply the A-list / B-list strategy
The A-list is everyone you genuinely want present. The B-list fills spots if A-list guests decline — expect 15-20% of invited guests to decline. Send B-list invitations within 1 week of receiving A-list declines, at least 4 weeks before the wedding. Never tell anyone they're on a B-list.
Mark each name as A-list (invite first) or B-list (invite if space opens)
Set a deadline for promoting B-list guests (6 weeks before the wedding)
Apply consistent cut rules when the list exceeds capacity
Use the same rule for everyone: 'No one we haven't spoken to in the past year,' 'No coworkers except team leads,' or 'No children under 12.' Consistent rules prevent hurt feelings and give you a defensible answer when someone asks why they weren't invited.
Plus-Ones and Children
Set clear plus-one rules and apply them uniformly
Standard etiquette: married and engaged couples always get a plus-one. Couples living together get a plus-one. Single guests in a relationship of 6+ months get a plus-one. Single guests who won't know anyone else get a plus-one. Single guests with a full friend group at the wedding may not need one.
Decide on a children policy and communicate it clearly
If the wedding is adults-only, address invitations to 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' (not 'The Smith Family'). Include a line on the RSVP card: 'We have reserved __ seats in your honor.' Parents usually understand — but offer babysitter recommendations near the venue as a courtesy.
Choose: all children welcome, family only, no children, or age cutoff
Word the invitation to reflect the policy (address only invited names)
Count plus-ones in your headcount estimate
If 50 of your 120 guests have plus-ones, your potential headcount is 170, not 120. Estimate that 60-70% of plus-ones will actually come. Track confirmed plus-one names — you'll need them for place cards and seating.
RSVP Tracking
Set the RSVP deadline 3-4 weeks before the wedding
Caterers need the final headcount 10-14 days before the event. Setting the RSVP deadline at 3-4 weeks gives you a buffer to chase non-responders. Print the deadline clearly on the RSVP card and the wedding website.
Offer multiple RSVP methods
Online RSVP gets a 90%+ response rate vs. 70% for mail-only. Offer both — older guests prefer mailing the card, younger guests prefer clicking a button. Both should feed into the same tracking spreadsheet.
Physical RSVP card with stamped return envelope
Online RSVP via the wedding website
Include a meal choice and dietary restriction field
Follow up with non-responders by phone 1 week after the deadline
Expect 10-20% of guests to ignore the RSVP card. Call or text each one individually — a personal reach-out gets answers. If someone still hasn't responded 2 weeks before the wedding, count them as a 'no' for catering but keep their seat in the layout as a buffer.
Seating Arrangements
Wait until RSVPs are finalized before starting the seating chart
Starting too early means redoing the chart every time someone cancels or confirms. Wait until 2 weeks before the wedding when 95%+ of responses are in. Use moveable sticky notes or a digital tool so you can shuffle easily.
Group guests by relationship and social compatibility
Put the people most likely to get the party started near the dance floor. Seat elderly guests and those with hearing issues away from the speakers. Place families with young children near exits for easy escape. Keep exes and known personality conflicts at different tables.
Seat family tables first (immediate family, extended family)
Group friend circles at the same or adjacent tables
Place coworker groups together
Mix in outgoing guests at tables where people don't know each other
Account for the head table or sweetheart table
A sweetheart table (just the couple) is increasingly popular — it lets you eat a meal together without logistics headaches. A traditional head table with the wedding party works but means bridesmaids and groomsmen sit apart from their partners for the entire dinner.
Create and order escort cards or a seating chart display
Print or hand-write escort cards with table numbers
Set up a seating chart board or display for the entrance
Dietary Needs and Accommodations
Collect dietary restrictions on the RSVP card
Include a specific line: 'Please list any dietary restrictions or allergies.' Generic options (chicken/fish/veggie) miss the details. Expect 10-15% of guests to have at least one restriction — vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, kosher, halal, nut allergy, or dairy-free.
Share the complete dietary list with the caterer 2-3 weeks before the wedding
For plated dinners, mark dietary plates with a small flag or different colored garnish so servers deliver the right dish without asking each guest. For buffets, label every dish with ingredients and allergen flags.
Compile all restrictions into one document
Confirm the caterer can accommodate each restriction
Arrange for clearly labeled dishes at the buffet or marked plates for plated service
Plan for guests with mobility or accessibility needs
Confirm wheelchair-accessible paths at the venue
Reserve seats with easy aisle access
Arrange transportation for guests with mobility challenges
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I decide how many guests to invite to my wedding?
Start with your venue capacity and budget — divide your total food and drink budget by the per-person catering cost to get your maximum headcount. Then prioritize in tiers: Tier 1 is immediate family and closest friends (must-invite), Tier 2 is extended family and good friends, Tier 3 is acquaintances and coworkers. Expect 15-20% of invited guests to decline, so you can invite 15-20% above your target attendance.
Should I have a B-list for wedding invitations?
B-lists are common and perfectly acceptable — about 30% of couples use them. Send B-list invitations as soon as A-list declines come in, ideally 8+ weeks before the wedding so it does not feel like a last-minute afterthought. Use the same invitation design and never mention the B-list status. Most B-list guests will never know they were not in the first round.
Do I have to invite coworkers to my wedding?
No — coworker invitations are entirely optional and depend on your relationship outside the office. A good rule: if you would not have dinner with them outside work, they do not need an invitation. If you invite one coworker, you do not have to invite the entire team, but be discreet about the wedding at work to avoid hurt feelings among those not invited.
How do I handle plus-ones on my wedding guest list?
Etiquette requires plus-ones for married couples, engaged couples, and those in established relationships (6+ months). Single guests do not automatically get a plus-one — offering them only to those who will not know many other guests is a common and accepted approach. Each plus-one adds $150-$250 to your budget (food, drink, seating), so 20 unnecessary plus-ones could cost $3,000-$5,000.
What is a good RSVP deadline for wedding invitations?
Set the RSVP deadline 3-4 weeks before the wedding date. This gives you time to chase non-responders (expect to follow up with 15-25% of guests), finalize the seating chart, and submit final headcounts to the caterer (most require final numbers 10-14 days out). Send invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding, giving guests 2-4 weeks to respond.