Host a wedding shower from timing and guest list to theme selection, food and drinks, games, gift coordination, and thank-you planning.
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Timing and Guest List
Schedule the shower 4-6 weeks before the wedding
This timing gives the couple time to write thank-you notes before the wedding and avoids conflicting with final wedding preparations. Avoid scheduling it the same week as the bachelorette party.
Coordinate the guest list with the couple and wedding party
Every shower guest must also be invited to the wedding. The typical shower has 20-40 guests including the wedding party, close friends, and family from both sides. Ask the couple for their list rather than guessing.
Confirm which family members from each side should be included
Check if co-workers or neighbors should be invited
Send invitations 4-6 weeks before the shower date
Include the date, time, location, RSVP deadline, dress code, and registry information. Unlike wedding invitations, it is acceptable to include registry details on shower invitations since gifts are expected.
Decide who is hosting and splitting costs
Traditionally the maid of honor and bridesmaids host. The host covers all party expenses, which typically run $300-$1,500 for 20-40 guests. If splitting among 3-4 bridesmaids, that is $75-$375 each.
Theme and Venue
Choose a theme based on the couple's interests
Popular themes include garden party, cooking together, stock the bar, around the world, or a simple brunch. The best themes give guests direction for gifts and decorations without being over-the-top.
Select a venue that fits the guest count and theme
Home parties are the most common and cost-effective option for showers. Restaurant private rooms work for brunch or afternoon tea. A park pavilion is great for casual outdoor showers. Book venues 3-4 weeks ahead.
Confirm the venue has enough seating for all guests plus a gift-opening area
Order themed decorations and supplies 2-3 weeks ahead
Budget $50-$150 for decorations including a centerpiece, table settings, balloons or flowers, and a banner. Fresh flowers ($20-$40 for a few grocery store bouquets) instantly make any space feel festive.
Food and Drinks
Plan a menu that matches the time of day
Brunch showers (10 AM-1 PM) are the most popular and cost $10-$20 per person for homemade food. Afternoon tea showers cost $15-$25 per person. Evening cocktail showers run $20-$35 per person with heavier appetizers.
Ask the couple about any guest dietary restrictions
Prepare or order food that can be mostly set up in advance
Choose dishes that hold well at room temperature or in a slow cooker so the host can enjoy the party. Finger foods, salad platters, quiche, and fruit displays all work well without needing last-minute preparation.
Set up a drink station with a signature drink and non-alcoholic options
A batch cocktail or punch ($30-$50 for 20-30 servings) is easier than mixing individual drinks. Offer sparkling water, juice, and a non-alcoholic punch alongside alcohol. Plan 2-3 drinks per person for a 2-3 hour party.
Order or bake a shower cake or dessert spread
A decorated sheet cake for 20-40 people costs $30-$60 from a bakery. A dessert table with cookies, cupcakes, and fruit costs $50-$100 and offers more variety. Serve dessert during or after gift opening to maintain energy.
Games and Activities
Plan 2-3 games that last 10-15 minutes each
Keep games short and inclusive. Not everyone enjoys games, so make participation feel natural. Space games throughout the party: one early on, one mid-party, and one during or after gift opening.
Prepare all game supplies and printed materials the night before
Include at least one icebreaker for guests who do not know each other
A simple icebreaker like sharing how you know the couple helps mixed groups warm up. Bingo cards with wedding-related squares or a "find the guest" scavenger hunt get people mingling. Avoid games that single out introverts.
Buy small prizes for game winners
Candles, small plants, bath products, or gift cards in the $5-$15 range make good prizes. Buy 5-6 prizes total. Wrap them so they feel like gifts. Having prizes motivates participation without being over the top.
Set up a guest book or advice station
A recipe card box, marriage advice cards, or a date night idea jar gives guests something meaningful to contribute. Place the station near the entrance so guests can fill out cards as they arrive or during downtime.
Gifts and Registry
Share the couple's registry information with guests
Include registry details on the shower invitation and remind guests via the wedding website. If the couple registered at multiple stores, list all of them. Guests appreciate clear direction on where to shop.
Designate someone to record who gave each gift during opening
Assign one person to write down each guest's name and their gift as the couple opens presents. This list is essential for writing thank-you notes. Also photograph each gift with its card as a backup.
Have a large bag or basket ready for collecting wrapping paper and ribbons
Plan the gift-opening portion of the party
Gift opening takes 1-2 minutes per gift. For 25 gifts, that is 25-50 minutes. Schedule it after food when guests are relaxed. Have the couple sit where everyone can see them and pass each gift around so guests can admire it.
Thank-You Coordination
Provide the couple with the gift list and photos within 2 days
The sooner the couple has the list, the sooner they can start writing thank-you notes. Send the written list and photos as a shared document or album. Include each guest's mailing address if you have it.
The couple should send thank-you notes within 2-3 weeks
Handwritten notes mentioning the specific gift are expected. A note should be 3-4 sentences: thank the person for coming, mention the specific gift, say how you plan to use it, and express appreciation for their support.
Thank the host separately with a personal gift or note
The couple should thank whoever hosted the shower with a small gift ($25-$50) or a heartfelt card. Hosting is a significant time and financial commitment. Acknowledging that effort strengthens the relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between a bridal shower and a wedding shower?
A bridal shower traditionally celebrates only the bride with an all-female guest list, while a wedding shower (or couple's shower) celebrates both partners and includes guests of all genders. Wedding showers are increasingly popular — about 30% of showers now include the couple together. The format shifts from traditional shower games to a more casual party style: brunch, cocktail hour, or backyard gathering.
How much should wedding shower gifts cost?
Wedding shower gifts typically cost $25-$75, with the average being $50. The gift is separate from (and in addition to) the wedding gift. Close family members and the bridal party often spend $75-$150. Group gifts pooling $25-$50 per person for a larger registry item are common and appreciated. If you are attending both the shower and the wedding, your combined spending across both gifts should total what you would comfortably spend on the couple overall.
Can there be more than one wedding shower?
Yes — multiple showers are common when friend groups or family branches are in different cities. Typical combinations: one hosted by bridesmaids (friends), one by family (aunts, cousins), and sometimes a work shower (casual, lunchtime). Each shower should have a different guest list to avoid asking anyone to buy multiple shower gifts. The couple attends all showers; the host list should differ for each.
What food is typically served at a wedding shower?
Brunch is the most popular wedding shower meal format: a mix of sweet and savory items like quiche, fruit, pastries, a yogurt bar, and a mimosa or bellini station. Afternoon showers lean toward appetizers, tea sandwiches, and dessert displays. Budget $15-$25 per person for home-prepared brunch or $30-$50 for restaurant brunch. A themed menu tied to the couple's story (Italian for a couple who got engaged in Rome) adds a personal touch.