A guide to preparing a wedding speech, covering structure, ideal length, opening hooks, personal stories, humor, rehearsal techniques, note cards, toast etiquette, and microphone tips.
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Speech Structure
Keep the speech between 2-4 minutes
2-4 minutes is roughly 300-600 words. Under 2 minutes feels like you didn't try; over 5 minutes and guests start checking their phones. Time yourself with a stopwatch — most people speak faster than they think.
Write the full speech out word-for-word before condensing to notes
Cut any section that doesn't directly support your main message
Follow a 3-part structure: open, story, toast
Part 1: Introduce yourself and your relationship to the couple (30 seconds). Part 2: Share 1-2 specific stories that show who they are together (2-3 minutes). Part 3: Close with a sincere wish and raise your glass (30 seconds).
Write a strong opening that grabs attention in the first 10 seconds
Skip 'For those who don't know me...' — it's the most overused opening in wedding speeches. Start with a short, surprising statement, a quick joke, or a direct quote. The first line sets the tone for everything that follows.
Content and Stories
Choose 1-2 personal stories that reveal the couple's character
The best stories show a specific moment, not a general trait. 'She's so kind' is forgettable. 'She drove 3 hours in a snowstorm to bring him soup when he was sick' is a story people remember. Pick moments you witnessed firsthand.
Ask the couple if any topics are off-limits before writing
Avoid stories about exes, embarrassing habits, or anything that requires 'you had to be there'
Address both partners, not just the one you know best
If you're the groom's best man, spend at least 30% of the speech welcoming and praising the bride. Ignoring one partner makes the speech feel one-sided. Reference something specific you admire about the person you know less well.
Balance humor with sincerity
A speech that's all jokes feels shallow. A speech that's all sentiment feels heavy. The ideal ratio is 60% heartfelt, 40% light humor. Place your funniest moment in the first half and your most sincere message at the end.
End with a genuine, specific wish for the couple
Don't close with a generic 'cheers to the happy couple.' Tie your closing to the stories you told: 'If you bring half the stubbornness you showed that night to this marriage, nothing will ever stop you two.' Specific closers hit harder.
Rehearsal
Practice the speech aloud at least 5 times
Reading silently doesn't prepare you for speaking publicly. Say the words out loud — in the shower, in the car, standing in your living room. By the 5th time, you'll know the flow well enough to look up from your notes.
Record yourself on video and watch it back for pacing and filler words
Practice in front of 1-2 trusted people and ask for honest feedback
Practice with the actual note cards or paper you'll use
A phone screen goes dark in the middle of speeches. Folded paper crinkles into the microphone. Use 3x5 index cards with bullet points in large print — they're small enough to hold in one hand while the other holds a glass.
Time every practice run and adjust for pace
Nerves speed you up by 20-30%. If your practice run is 3 minutes, expect the live version to be 2 minutes 15 seconds unless you consciously slow down. Mark pauses in your notes where you'll take a breath.
Day-Of Preparation
Limit alcohol before your speech
One drink to settle nerves is fine. Three drinks and your timing, volume, and word recall degrade noticeably. Have your drink after the speech — you'll enjoy it more, and you'll actually remember giving the toast.
Confirm the speech order and timing with the DJ or coordinator
Speeches usually happen after the main course is served but before dessert. Confirm your position in the lineup — going first is easiest because you're not comparing yourself to everyone before you. Total speech time for all speakers should stay under 20 minutes.
Ask the DJ for a 'wrap up' signal if you go over time
Confirm whether you'll be standing at the head table or a separate microphone
Have your note cards accessible before speeches begin
Don't leave your cards at the hotel or buried in a coat pocket across the room. Tuck them in your jacket or give them to the coordinator 30 minutes before speech time. A backup copy in your phone is smart insurance.
Microphone and Delivery Tips
Hold the microphone 2-3 inches from your mouth at a 45-degree angle
Too close creates distortion and popping sounds on P and B words. Too far and half the room can't hear you. Angle it slightly below your chin, not directly in front of your lips. Test it with a quick 'check, one two' before starting.
Speak slowly and project to the back of the room
Talk to the person in the last row, not the person in front of you. Pause for 2-3 seconds after anything funny — laughter drowns out your next line if you keep going. Slow, deliberate pacing sounds confident even if you're nervous.
Make eye contact with different sections of the room
Pick 3-4 friendly faces spread around the room and rotate your eye contact between them. This creates the illusion of talking to everyone. Avoid staring at only the couple — the speech is about them, but it's for the whole room.
Raise your glass clearly when making the final toast
Say 'Please raise your glasses' and wait 3-5 seconds for everyone to pick up their drinks before delivering your closing line. Then say 'To [names]' clearly and take a sip. Don't rush this moment — it's the punctuation on your speech.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should a wedding speech be?
The ideal wedding speech runs 3-5 minutes, which translates to roughly 400-700 words. Best man and maid of honor speeches can stretch to 5-7 minutes for close relationships. Anything over 7 minutes loses audience attention — professional speakers recommend the 5-minute rule for non-professional public speakers. Time yourself during practice; most people speak 20-30% slower under nerves, so a speech that is 4 minutes in practice will take 5 minutes live.
What is the order of speeches at a wedding reception?
The traditional order: (1) father of the bride or host welcomes guests and toasts the couple, (2) best man's speech, (3) maid of honor's speech, (4) the couple thanks their guests. Some receptions add parent speeches or a reading. Total speech program should stay under 20-25 minutes — beyond that, guests become restless and food gets cold. Coordinate with the DJ or emcee for smooth transitions between speakers.
How do I deal with nerves before giving a wedding speech?
Practice the speech aloud 5-7 times in the week before the wedding — rehearsing out loud (not just reading silently) reduces anxiety by 40% according to public speaking research. On the day, limit alcohol before speaking — one drink maximum to take the edge off without affecting delivery. Hold note cards rather than reading from a phone (phones shake visibly when hands tremble). Take 3 deep breaths before starting and speak to one friendly face in the crowd for the first 30 seconds.
What topics should be avoided in a wedding speech?
Never mention: exes or past relationships, embarrassing stories the couple has not pre-approved, inside jokes that exclude 90% of the audience, excessive drinking stories, commentary on the couple's physical appearance, or ball and chain humor about marriage. Also avoid over-referencing yourself — the speech is about the couple, not your friendship resume. A quick filter: if the couple's grandparents would be uncomfortable hearing it, cut it.